UP, UP and AWAY

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I've forgotten how powerful words can be. From what you choose to say, you can either build a person up or tear them down.

Question: What do you think is the most fulfilling thing you've done in your lifetime?

So soon

Sunset in California

From Untitled Album

I wish I was brave.

Eternity

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Break

From l.a.

Sweet Home...California

3 weeks is the perfect amount of time I need to transition back into life.
I love the sunny weather, the dry desert heat. I appreciate that I don't have to give a fake smile to people while walking down the street. I walk everywhere, and I'm no longer stranded in The Big City Filled With Nothing. (aka Atlanta, Georgia). Even though I'm not the biggest fan of L.A., I can still manage to fit in and feel normal. I love seeing Jews everywhere, I love the fact that there is no humidity, I love the palm trees and I love the Hollywood hills. Yep, I'm halfway home.

In all this free time I've been thinking a lot about my future. I have so many insecurities, dark thoughts that enter my head informing me "whatever I would like to happen won't" and it's also unrealistic in our "economic crisis". Did I make the right choice? Should I try to make a change and move? Am I going to the right place, will I be working the right jobs... Well... What is it you actually really want to do anyway? No seriously, what are you doing with your life?

Well, the answer I have is that I guess no one is ever really sure what they're doing. We can all start one way and end up in another place. I trusted in my gut feeling when I decided. It's only let me down once before, so "it" and I are still on a pretty good track.

I'm going to Australia soon. Before I leave, I'll try to pull some strings and get a good camera. My handy dandy canon powershot no longer has a flash and the buttons are beginning to wear. Next thing you know I'll be blogging from down under.

hehe.

From l.a.

One step at a time

It's gonna take time

I woke up today with a positive feeling. It was my first real Sunday off since Hebrew School ended and I had the chance to sleep in and take it easy. Around 10:30 I sat outside on the front porch to drink my coffee and watch the world turn round. As I spied on the morning joggers, kids riding bikes and dogs being walked, I felt this feeling of good fall upon my shoulders.

So many things have been on my mind lately. My thoughts are racing, electric currents zap from one corner to the other. I seem to be planning my future according to those that I already know of. But I have to stop, I have to create my own life. If I don't like what I see happening, then I can use all the power I have to create what I want. Sometimes I forget that. Most of the time I feel powerless.


My dreams have also been very intense. It began with dreams of actually being in Israel. I was walking down the main street in Tsfat, I was there, experiencing all the same noises and smells.
I dreamt of friend I haven't seen in ages and we spoke of old times and caught up to our current lives.

Maybe we are just breakable, amidst a time of uncertainty and insanity. But if I want something I have to push for it. I need to fight for my dreams, I mustn't forget why I came here.

From Yaara's wedding

Almost done now.

I am a mountain...

We're learning about mountains in preschool, in honor of shavuos.
I would probably try to come up with better posts and put up new pictures, but with my internet out at home - its becoming such a shlep. You'll have to bear with me for about 3 more weeks. I'm counting down to the end and it's making me a little bit anxious. No more having to smile at strangers, no more having to make lesson plans. yes yes yes yes yes.

From masada

From Tveria

From Golan Heights

From Israel Travels

From Amuka

From Life is dandy

Bonne Appetite

From Israel Travels

dinner.

Hush

From Georgia

Life is running on a quiet motor, a hushed buzz. It's continuous but numbing and puts me to sleep. I need energy, people, events. I need strange, humorous, elegant, horrid. I need a change and a challenge. Some type of booster, a push and a pull.

Everything has been feeling invisible, my goals are blurred and I hate muggy rain and thunder storms.

Be gone with the wind

From Georgia

From Georgia

From Georgia

From Georgia

From Georgia

From Georgia

Check out this old Georgian plantation.
Of course we couldn't take pictures inside the actual house, that was the best part.

YES on Change

From Life is dandy

Have you ever glanced back, at who you once were? And did you recognize your old self?
You can't suspect the future. All you can do is study the past and live in the moment.

Amazing, how change creeps upon us slowly.

Who I was and what I wanted does not at all match up with myself today. That scares me, because if I have changed this much already, who will I be tomorrow? What will be in the future? what will be in the future? what will be in the future? what will be?

The thought keeps pounding my head.

Where will I end up, who will I meet, how will I make my decisions.
Is it healthy, to go to places I once swore I'd never go?



One day, I know, this will all start to make sense.

No internet = No brain (or something like that)

Yeah, I'm chewing on my own words right now. I told my friend Elisheva the other day that it's good to be off the internet.. And then of course I come back to Atlanta with no more hot spot/free-neighbor connection at my little post in the corner of the kitchen. I'm learning to manage, but in the mean time I can't seem to think about what to write.

So here is a nice picture to oogle at until I can write about something... (I was thinking of maybe about people who are grouches in the morning)..

From Tveria

And here's my thought.

I wonder if the old man is still selling his stuff. Did he give up?

Spring time in Georgia

But I prefer spring in L.A.

From Georgia

I'm home and loving it.

Someone, please make sure I don't sign up for southern life again.

Goodbye Peaches, Hello Avocado!

I really should be sleeping right now, since I have to wake up 4 hours to catch a plane back to L.A. But I was so excited to pack tonight, that I decided to share my joy.

3 years ago I got a great suitcase deal from Target, 4 bags for $100. Nice and cheap. They were good suitcases, sturdy, easy to pack away and stood out from others with their bright red coloring.

But after I traveled half way around the world and back, the largest bag ripped. A minor tear, nothing big. But as the traveling continued, the rip got bigger and eventually the handle stopped functioning. Finally, it came to the point where I couldn't bear the thought of traveling with it.

From Life is dandy

Two weeks ago, while helping my friend was scope around Marshalls for a new suitcase, I found IT. The Bag. The Ultimate traveling suitcase - for women. I scare myself as I write that because I don't like buying girl things because I'm a girl. I'm a picky shopper and I buy stuff only because I like it and not because some rich person out there decided it was made for me. Nope, I don't do that. What convinced me to buy The Bag was it's pink interior. As soon as I saw that BRIGHT pink lining, I had made up my mind. Only later did I notice all the pockets, zippers and trinkets that make it so much more girly. aaahhhh!!! I hate the idea of a woman's bag, but I really...like...this bag.

From Life is dandy

And that is why I was so excited to pack.
Maybe tomorrow I'll write about spring time in Georgia or Georgian mucky muck rain.

Shabbos Kodesh

From Life is dandy

Shabbat shalom y'all. (I can officially say that now because I'm in the south)

No Peeking

From Life is dandy

Well, you know how it is.
Yesterday went by too fast, tomorrow never seems to come and I've really had enough of today's challenges. Can't I just take a little peek into the future to see what it's like?

Any who, I finally discovered this week what gives me the most satisfaction from being a preschool teacher. It's not seeing the kid learn how to wash their hands, share toys, or name their colors. Its when I see the love a parent has for their kid and how special they are in their eyes.... I get this amazing feeling.

On another note -
after 3 years of blogging on and off, I've finally decided what "LIFE IS DANDY" means.

Ain't nothin to do

From Georgia

Today I actually have something to write about since I'm on spring break and I can do...things...besides work and homework. I've neglected me for the past few months, so now's the time for pampering.

I decided to go for a walk today. (trust me, its a big deal to have time for this). I like walking. So I walked to "The Park", which is probably my favorite part of Atlanta. I think we need a park like this, in L.A. It's huge, it's busy and full of life. I walked to my bench (only designated as my bench two weeks ago on my birthday...When I sat there for 2 hours pondering life), sat down, turned on my music, took out my notebook and started to write. Just as I began to unlock my thoughts, this older man sits down on the other side of my bench. Then a minute later, he starts to talk to me.

"Ohh, you write so fast" - him
"oh, yeah I guess *insert friendly awkward smile*"
"I can't write so fast in English. But I can in Farsi" - him
"Oh, well I can't write Farsi, so we're even"

Then I turn back to my writing and try to regain my thoughts. But nope, he couldn't catch the hint. He then asked me what music I'm listening to. It's American music right?
"actually no, its Israeli" (it really was)
"Oh, you speak........Hebrew?"
"No, but I understand a little."
"Oh...forgive me, I don't speak English so well"
"Its ok......."
"You know.....Hebrew? It's what they speak in Israel, yes?"
"Yes it is and no I don't speak it"
"Oh, I know 3 languages. Farsi, Arabic and English"
"....Nice"
"You listen to Israel music, I listen to Arabic music. Here, listen"
.......he pulls out his earphones and I listen for about 2 seconds....
"...Hah...ok...nice! *insert awkward smile*"

He never took the hint that I wasn't really so interested in talking and I couldn't ignore him... So he continued asking me questions like where I'm from, do I go to school, where do I work.....and then finally....

"Maybe you can teach me English for..one hour a day? And I teach you"
"Uh, sorry, I have a lot of work......and uh...I'm busy...But I'm sure there is a school here that you can go to!"

Ok, I had enough. I slowly packed my stuff and left my bench (I gave the man another quick awkward smile). My peace had been disturbed. I walked home, all the while checking behind me to see if I was being followed.


After all this, I remembered something. As a child, I used to take acting classes all the time. One of my favorite games was where you had one character on stage sitting on a bench at the park, feeding the pigeons and minding there own business. Then you walk in and have to get the bird feeder to either talk back, laugh or weird them enough to the point that they'll leave. Once they're gone - you take over as the bird feeder and someone else walks in.

So today my friends, I experienced in reality - one of the games I used to love as a child. And I think I lost.